Part one of the Kids and the Internet article looked at statistics, and explained that sometimes they are often overhyped. This article covers some tips and advice from various websites to help parents protect children online.
Internet safety thoughts for parents.(IMG:J.Anderson)
The first thing as a parent you have to remember when it comes to protecting the kids online, is that you are in fact the parent. You have to set rules and enforce them. However, the adage of “do as I say...not as I do…” makes you look bad in the long run.
Communication is the key to protecting kids online. You need them to understand what dangers there are online and how to look out for them.
The biggest fear most parents have is that their child will meet a predator online, and later meet them face to face. It has happened, and it is devastating. However, this can be avoided.
“In the majority of sex crimes against youth, offenders did not deceive the teens about the fact that they were older and were interested in sex. However, the attackers seduced the youth by being understanding, sympathetic and flattering, and by appealing to the teens’ interest in romance, sex and adventure.” – Crimes Against Children Research Center – Univ. of New Hampshire
Kids, teens especially, have angst and lots of it. They are quite positive that the world is against them, and that dear old mom and dad hate them. It happens. However it is because of these thoughts that most teens stop talking. As a parent of a pre-teen, I can speak from personal experience.
When you are unsure of what your child is doing online, ask them. Ask them if they have ever had someone hit on them, or if some “girl who is likely a fat hairy dude” (use exactly this phrase, more often than not it gets a laugh and breaks the ice) wanted to hook up before, and how they acted. Did they take the invitation for a hookup seriously, or did they flame the person for it?
(Flame is a term used online to depict the act of totally belittling someone. Often flames are rants against a person or topic; however it can also refer to simply making fun of someone, which teens do all the time online.)
Remember, you are the parent. You, despite the child’s instance otherwise, are older and wiser. You have been around the block a few times, and protecting your kids from internet perverts and pedophiles is no different than talking to them about taking candy from strangers or getting into cars and going off to look for kittens.
What if your child comes to you and tells you that they had a friend on MySpace who was special, but lately they have started to weird them out? They want to meet and they want to trade pictures. The normal MySpace pictures are not enough, they want to cam (steaming video chats) with your child. What do you do? Do you panic? Do you punish the child for their friend making such a request and ban them from the Internet, or do you take them out to dinner to get away and forget the whole thing for a little while?
The correct answer is to take them out to eat. The child came to you as a parent, and opened the door for a long and serious talk about internet safety. This is cause for a celebration, because the second your child stops talking, that is when they are in danger.
When you search online for cyber safety tips for parents and kids, you will constantly see mentions of communication. This point cannot be stressed enough.
Another aspect of communication is learning. Learn from your child, as you want them to learn from you. Consider this example exchange between a parent and child.
“What exactly is this Second Life, and why are you on a Teen Grid?” Even if all you get is, “Second Life is a game, where you create your own person and exist in a complete virtual world, the teen grid is for someone who is not 18.” You got an answer for one, and a way to ask other Second Life (www.secondlife.com ) related questions.
For example, the child said you can create your own person, ask how, and ask if they mind showing you. Ask them what looks they like and what options there are. Ask them about this virtual world, are there limits, can you build things?
Ask them if it is free or if it costs money. (You can use real-word money in second life, so this can lead to a sort of building block where they do chores or other tasks like a job, and earn money from you to spend in Second Life.)
Second Life example aside, the point was you took an interest in what they were doing. You even had a chance to let them enjoy it more by offering a bit of compensation for the game if they do chores or other little jobs around the house.
You can interact with your child when they are online without stifling them. Simply keep the communication lines open.
Another thing to remember is that children will be exposed to things online that are unsettling to them. These things can be advances from people, or pornographic emails and website content. Often they discover them on accident. As a parent, don’t over react to this, as most teens will see this as you coming down on them. Talk to them and figure out how it happened, and how to keep it from happening again.
Kids these days are so smart; you have to trust in your ability as a parent that you taught them right from wrong. You have to have the self-esteem to take a blow to the ego, and admit there is a level to the Internet you know nothing about and seek resources to learn about it. The first step to this ego busting is, again, open the lines of communication with your child, and learn.
Here are some websites for parents; these will come in handy as you learn the ways of the web only your child knows.
First the basics of online safety tips:
http://kids.getnetwise.org/safetyguide/privacy/ http://www.webwisekids.org/ http://www.webwisekids.org/our_software.asp?page=www
Learn the acronyms and terminology: (Do you know what IANAL or STFU or RTFM mean?)
http://www.gaarde.org/acronyms/ http://www.magicpub.com/netprimer/acronyms.html http://www.urbandictionary.com/
MySpace information (Overview):
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/MySpace
Facebook information (Overview):
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Facebook
Twitter information (Overview):
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Twitter
Instant Messaging information (Overview):
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Instant_messaging
Internet Email information (Overview):
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Webmail
The tips and tools provided in this series of articles are a great preventive measure. However, nothing is foolproof, and if you have developed concerns that your child may have been approached or become involved in a dangerous situation, do not hesitate to seek assistance.
Getwise.org best explains what to do if you know or suspect your child is in danger or has been approached, “Once they have identified a serious problem, parents are often confused about who to turn to for help. Even though the criminal can't be seen and the crime happens over computer and phone wires, it is important to remember that most crimes on the Internet can be handled like crimes in the real world.”
Visit their website for more links and information.
Brenda PrestonOct 10th, 2008 - 19:17:08
There is a safe social and educational network for kids ages 5-18 that requires a child's school to verify his or her identification before they can become a member. This is how they keep out predators, imposter profiles and cyber bullying. I know my son is safe on this site. He can still play games, IM, chat, create his own webpage, and receive homework help if he needs it. The site for parents is www.safewave.org and the site for children is www.iland5.com. Both sites are free to use.
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