CERN admits black hole ripped in space by Large Hadron Collider

by Rich Bowden - Apr 1 2009, 04:03

A spokesperson for the European Organisation for Nuclear Research (CERN) has confirmed the fears of many in the scientific world after revealing that the reason for the sudden closure of the Large Hadron Collider, the world's most expensive physics experiment, was not due to "technical problems" as previously stated, but because its controversial particle collisions have sensationally rendered a "tiny black hole" in the fabric of space.

Inside the ATLAS solenoid cryostat. Image: Copyright/CERN.

"I can confirm that, yes, the first stages of the experiment resulted in the appearance of a miniscule black hole," said the spokesperson to gathered reporters on Monday. "The black hole is being kept under quarantine and our scientists have been monitoring its progression," he explained.Situated deep underground on the French-Swiss border, the $10 billion USD Large Hadron Collider (LHC) had been opposed by many scientists who warned of the related dangers of the massive particle collision experiment. The huge, ring-shaped LHC has been designed to give scientists an opportunity to re-create and study the origins of the universe and to end the search for the elusive Higgs Boson or 'God particle'.Many had bitterly said the consequences could be as extreme as the Earth being sucked into the black hole the LHC collisions may create as a side effect of the experiment. Others claimed time travellers with more sophisticated technology than ours could make use of the hole to invade the Earth and enslave mankind.The particle physics experiment began with great fanfare on September 10, 2008, only to be mysteriously closed down nine days later. An announcement by CERN blamed mechanical failure between two superconducting magnets, a reason deemed strange at the time by scientists and theorists not involved in the experiment.After confirming the incredible real reason for the closure of the LHC, the CERN spokesperson went on to placate reporters present by saying that his organization did not, at this stage, see any danger to the Earth's existence. However, when asked by reporters at CERN headquarters how the agency kept a black hole under quarantine, the spokesperson admitted, "With great difficulty ladies and gentlemen, with great difficulty."The Obama administration's shadowy Special Crisis Operations (SCO) executive, Mr. C. Norris, told Washington reporters at a hastily-arranged news conference that his elite team was monitoring the situation closely and was ready to resolve any emerging crisis once it had "sorted out this global warming business and the current financial mess."The Tech Herald wishes all its readers a very happy April 01.Want regular updates from The Tech Herald? Follow us on Twitter.The Tech Herald: Large Hadron Collider Powers UpThe Tech Herald: Hysteria reigns as Big Bang project prompts death threatsThe Tech Herald: The Big Bang Experiment: In Photos and VideosThe Tech Herald: Could LHC black holes still carry an Earthly threat?

Comment on this Story

Interested in a more interactive TTH? Join our Facebook Group
Want regular updates from The Tech Herald? Follow us on Twitter

Comment on this Story

Note our older Talkback system is still running below. We hope to import existing comments into the new system shortly. Guest posting is still allowed, however, you can now login with any number of social network accounts.

Talkback

Add your comment (no registration required)

page: 1 2 3

axarticoApr 1st, 2009 - 06:25:29

April fool's joke ?

Report this comment

AnonApr 1st, 2009 - 06:27:58

I hate April Fools day, you get crap like this. Not a very funny joke.

Report this comment

anonApr 1st, 2009 - 07:01:53

lol

Report this comment

ArneApr 1st, 2009 - 07:17:12

Hilarious. How do you quarantine a black hole? With great difficulty! LOL

Report this comment

HardonApr 1st, 2009 - 07:40:48

Had a feeling this one would 'appear' on 1.april :D GG

Report this comment

John PApr 1st, 2009 - 07:49:26

I am almost had a heart attack...scared the hell out of me. Not funny.

Report this comment

J NezApr 1st, 2009 - 09:51:57

A black hole under quarantine? Very funny. But it sounds scary

Report this comment

Bosco Albert BaracusApr 1st, 2009 - 11:01:44

I pitty the fool who don't believe.

Report this comment

CommenterApr 1st, 2009 - 12:39:33

The LHC broke down before collisions could begin. The story that the LHC smashed particles together before it broke down is just an Urban Legend.

However it is true that some scientists recommend more conclusive safety studies before high energy collisions begin and other scientists recommend proceeding more slowly and more cautiously.

Report this comment

CommenterApr 1st, 2009 - 12:59:51

Nice Star Trek reference... (If you don't get it, search for 'Heisenberg compensator'.) Unless I'm reading too much into it...

Report this comment

page: 1 2 3

Add your comment (no registration required)

Science

CERN admits black hole ripped in space by Large Hadron Collider

Comment on this Story

Talkback

Latest

Latest Articles on Monsters&Critics

In The Tech Herald

Site

The Fine Print